Dear Juan Letter

Dear Coffee Place,

You know I've always enjoyed visiting you, right?

You give me caffeine every morning, which enables me to slog through my somewhat-fulfilling, semi-soul-crushing job. Occasionally, I have your friendly employee add an extra shot of espresso when I'm hung over and trying to make it through a day.

Sure, you're pretty much the most convenient place on my way to work. But really, we've got to talk.

I initially had concerns about you being my go-to coffee place. The biggest reason? Your huge emphasis on the Jesus fish in every aspect of your business really bugged me. I get it if you're a coffee shop that really loves Jesus and eventually I got over it. (I'd still rather give you my money than Starbucks.)

So it's been a fun few months of giving you my money in exchange for some coffee.

But then, on Friday, rolled up and noticed something that will change my perception of you forever.

THIS THING:




















Coffee place, I know that it's important to increase business. I understand marketing, I have a degree in it. And I've got to say: attracting good, reliable, loyal customers with a strategic marketing plan is a great thing. But an inflatable crazy thing, really? Really? That thing?! Why? How? Who talked you into it?

It's a shame that I may I have to turn elsewhere. But it's not you, it's m--okay, yeah, it is you. It's entirely you. It's entirely that creepy, giant inflatable thing. Why would you do that?

I guess I'll never know. In the meantime, does anyone know where I can find a Starbucks?

Sincerely,

AAWAB